Choice Point

Choice pointsThe years are light speed. 2004, I am being given one of the first offers that can change my life, I have had many in this life time as I am sure most of us have .Sometimes these experiences can make us crazy. These decisions, these choice points. Those moments that can shift everything. When they are happening, we are not aware, not in tune until days, weeks or years later. This evening it is from Mr Prana and the CEO of a well known institution ----in Australia. They are courting me as we sit in a small restaurant on the beach in Jamaican bay. This gem of a restaurant,nothing fancy, fresh fish and salad. At this establishment you have the opportunity to pick your fish from one of many tanks and they fry it up for you. The question these gentlemen, very gentle men are asking. “Am I interested in teaching Reiki to their staff here in Bali”? I will be provided for, food, accommodations,etc. I would need about three months I am told to train everyone in their hospitality kingdom. I decline, I’m working for Crabtree & Evelyn and Scantrade and I have a deep sense of responsibility to these companies in Canada. That evening I had forgotten my responsibility to self and what I really love. This love of teaching all that I have learnt thus far with anything to do with Spirituality. That evening in March of 2004 , I was feeling usually calm, happy at peace. Why make changes to something that was already working. I was visiting Bali regularly; I had a great job as sales rep for marvelous companies in Canada. All seem logical. Note the word logical. “Common sense is not so common”. I was thinking with my head , not my heart. That October I was back at CMED, studying with Caroline Myss . We were casting our wheel on Fate vs. Destiny. I asked her if could she give me insight as to why I was afraid to leave my job with Crabtree . Her response was direct and true. “Lilly, You are just scared of loosing your stuff” Ouch, she is right. I have to go home and rethink my life. My Fate at that moment is living in comfort; my Destiny is to shift in this comfort. Get real. Well now if that won’t drive you bonkers , make your mind buzz and your heart pound. Change, again? Shit. I thought I had done all that was required to change in 1991 when I entered a 12 step program. This saga of changing myself , to become aware , to take a roll in my life instead of just allowing it to unfold makes me dizzy . It feels like spiritual madness. And yes, I am MAD I have more work to do. It requires work, hard inner work. It requires a mission statement , a printout for my soul. It took me two more years to leave Crabtree. How would I survivee without an income? I was always stealing from my future, , always in debt. Plus I loved travelling alone on my own across Ontario in that small 2002 Jetta. If my life is working, why do I need to change? Is that what you are asking. Good question. I needed to enter that small still voice within and ask myself , “how was I best serving others and the planet?” When I take my last breathe , am I going to tell myself that is was because I had comfort, stuff or was it that I did my best to serve others. Could I serve others while working the way I was. I said yes. I can still give my Angel workshops, still write my poems , still see clients for the Trinity Table. I could find the balance . As I write this I now see the madness to that thinking. A few months later I realized I had to quite Crabtree as I was not in balance, I was doing too many things. The customers at Crabtree were no longer a priority . I was getting paid a lot of money for doing nothing and my inner thief was not going to have any of that.It was OK to steal from myself but not others. I called Helen in June 2006 , told her it was time to leave. She was very loving. She knew this was not an easy decision as Helen was aware I loved the product, the people and the travelling. The day I called her was the day I wrote my forward for Lilly White Lies and Dreams. A book of poems. I was now free to only work on spirituality. We were told it is hard to make a living in this work but that was not the reason I was so excited every time I gave a workshop,wrote a poem or put someone on the Trinity Table. This work put fire in my belly, not food.