Lies, Why's & Ties, another Peek for Peeps into ,Madness, Addiction and Love
Lies are very deceptive, (now there is a truth)
There are white lies we tell so others will feel good. “Do you like my hair?”, she asks, “why yes”, I reply . ( my thought is , “no ,I do not like the color , you look 10yrs older”) Usually when I am this blunt and I have been, I am told I am arrogant, bossy, cruel.. So most days of late I just keep my mouth shut, nod my approval from my head not my heart. A charka bypass.
In all of my 59 yrs. I have never said anything to anyone and wanted to intentionally hurt or cause pain, except for Mothers Day , May 2014 . I myself was in deep pain and when someone called me a crazy bitch and chaos freak I went into that crazy bitch . I intentionally said words to hurt , (I was on line with two people at the time) I wanted them to feel pain. I was fed up with holding my feelings in for fear of hurting them, especially in the last three years. May 14th, you might call it a breakdown between my head, my heart and my throat charka.
There are lies we tell to protect others from pain. Yes, it is a form of control and not allowing the other to feel the "awe of the raw". We sometimes think we know better. That is usually a lie also. We do not know better. that is the Ego having its way.
'God/ Goddess is love, thoughts are our will , our ego.
There is the lie of protecting ourselves. In previous chapters you have read about my lying as a child when I would be in trouble and afraid of the consequences. One day I told Dad I had actually did something when I didn't . He ( as usual) found out and questioned me ,"why would I say I had done that thing , took the penalty when in fact I had not.?" I remember looking into his beautiful blue eyes. It was him with the tears this time and I said , “I don’t know.”
But that is a lie also. I did know , I knew I just did not care anymore. I was damned if I did and doomed if I didn’t .
For many years I have been more truthful than I should have been. I tell everything, I lay it out for all to see so that nothing is hidden. The issue with that is we are all mirroring each other . When someone sees the truth about themselves through my words, deeds or actions it may be too difficult for them to see. They then go to the number one lie , Gossip. God , I hate Gossip. It steals the very soul of who we are, who we are becoming. The thief steals from the one gossiping and the one being gossiped about.
We all have our interpretations, perceptions. How you see, hear and feel is going to be singular to you .
Then there is the denial lie.
The disowning of ourselves and unable to see what is in front of us.
What is most accepted ? The sneaky lie or the lie of denial. You know that lie when you feel superior , the person in front of you needs to change. Everything is their fault. They are the damaged one, the crazy person. You go about your life , be with your family but never take ownership of anything . You find it impossible to go deep inside and dig around. You say things like, Move on , the past is past but you still stay the same.
My humble opinion , this is the worst lie of all. I know someone who is angry all the time. She calls everyone a Liar. She will tell you her interpretation of something that happened with no regard for your views or your perception. She is always right, If you disagree , you are loosing your mind, get out of her way, she just might kick your heart out with her spiky heels.
The lie of silence.
Once upon a time not so long ago, there was someone in my life who I thought was honest. She would not steal anything material from you but she could steal your energy. She has low self esteem so every time she speaks , it is ," should I do this? Does this look good on me ?, What do you think about this? " On and on it went. I loved her . I only wished she had loved me the same. If I knew then what I know about her today, I would have called her on it. In her words I was a bully, sorceress, and more words of abuse not worth mentioning here. I now understand that when I spoke to her, asked her questions ,she never understood what I was saying. She saw and took my words upside down or backwards.(after much research I now am aware of her condition). She is unable to hear what is being said. If she would have opened up to me during those years instead of keeping her anger and silence and talking about it to others who passed on the information , we would have been able to work things out. On a cold Thursday morning in February, she attacked me with her angry voice in the most damaging way. This person who studies spirituality , prayers , always in a workshop of some kind, the ,"I do no harm to others", let me have it with both barrels . When she was having her meltdown I was silent. I wanted to say three things. I did not, she was already in pain, why cause more?
- Yes, hit me at my weakest , I am loosing the store, my child and mother have died in a yr , my father has had a stroke . Yes, beat me when I am most venerable ,you coward you.
Oh my God, you are acting out just as Melanie did. I guess I have killed our relationship just as I killed Melanie. ( That lie I have dealt with, I did not know I felt that way until that moment . That is why she is a noble friend. (Put here by spirit for a good reason other than what I thought.)
This all sounds familiar ,"Isn't this the reason you left your spiritual family a few years ago?
Worst of all, I lied to myself on how I saw her, knew her. I loved her false self, her mask. Now that I have seen her , I still love her. More now because I really SEE her as she is . She has been a noble friend. I have emailed her , birthday, condolences ,etc but she will never forgive me. Most new age followers these days have a slogan. " I need to detach from those that do not understand me". I need to leave Kevin because he does not see me". I call this watery spiritually. swimming in your lies. Skipping over the work that needs to be done. Not being brave enough to enter the shadow. Trust me , this women is geting advise from someone who thinks they know but has never allowed themselves to enter both light and shadow . Very few of us have such courage . Perhaps courage comes from being beaten for 18 yrs , who knows. Allowing ,"Spirit to have us ",is , WHOLE , WHOLLY. HOLY Not just part time.
In her mind I am to blame . Yes, I am to blame for many things in that relationship, I own my part . I do not lie about that . Hopefully before she takes her last breathe she will understand that she was loved. I hope she comes to understand that if you are unable to forgive , you have not helped transform this planet. The real reason we are here.
Then there is the lie that tricks you, it is the