The Code of Silence
A code of silence is a condition in effect when a person opts to withhold what is believed to be vital or important information voluntarily or involuntarily.The code of silence is usually either kept because of threat of force, or danger to oneself, or being branded as a traitor or an outcast within the unit organization. (Wikipedia)
A code of Silence can be an illness onto itself. In this story it is within the family dynamics Of course I am going to be judged, cauterized. On my return to Ottawa from one of my many trips to Calgary, while visiting Mom & Dad , before Mom's departure, I wrote this poems. It was July 2013.
Can you not see the damage you’ve done? Six little kinds Always on the run
We ran from your rage, your anger ,your fear You beat us dry till there were No more tears
It was confusing and crazy You never let up Said we were lazy We were quick to shut up
We are all adults now Five of us still stand Now we realize You were the child,but never the man.
I sent this to one of my siblings
" Oh dear, you better keep that under wraps” was her response.
At the age we are now, we are all adults. You would never know it. Fear, anger follows us to our grave if we do not work through it. It boils inside us like a cluster ,pops open , oozes all over someone close to us , when you and they least expect it. Even in this anger there is a code of silence. No one wants to talk about it.
Usually its called “being sensitive”. Frequently Mom would say.
“Your Dad and I, we are just find when we are alone, BUT , as soon as one of you kids are around there is always a fight. You Hancock’s are all so sensitive.” Yes, Mother, our brother Dereck hung himself in July of 2000. Please can we talk about it .
No, Mom, we are all mentally ill in one-way or another. Either, we are addicts, ego busters, bullies, and tormenters. Or, in my case, all of the above. When a sibling calls you a Crazy bitch, another, a fudged up fairy, there are two things you know for sure. You have touched a wound and words have power. They can tear down a building, someone’s self esteem or their self worth. Words can destroy generations of healing. If that is not a sign of illness, I do not know what is.
When a major family member dies, when there has been no resolution within the family, when there has been no ownership for actions, no-thing changes. Family members will go to the next person in line and take all their anger and energy out on that person. God forbid if you are the oldest. Those left behind are not brave enough to go within and change themselves. It is easier to blame. The madness coagulates.
While in Bali this Dec- Jan 2015 I was blessed to be with someone who said," Lilly , Allow your sorrow to rise".. What he does not know yet is that our sorrow is unitied. His brother commmited murder to self three years ago. He is the one in sorrow. His code of silence .When I wanted to talk about it , he was living in the moment. I allowed him to be alone in that . I allowed myself to be still , to witness , to love. Someday he will understand what I said in my silence. This code of silence. it is a killler. Talk about it or our children's off spring will suffer. And you don't want that. Freedom starts NOW. The code of silence is Dead. God/ Goddess we are so very much alive. "Just for today, we let spirit have us."