Angels Grace, Amanda's Gifts

Angels Grace, Amanda’s gifts My God, can the weather be any colder? It is Nov 23rd, 1993. Amanda and I had moved into a small trailer of Hanson Rd in Fredericton. It is not very far from our Star Lite Village home. We left John and Melanie in Oct. The day I walked out I wanted nothing but peace. I left knowing in my mind and heart that it was ,”Just for today.”

Everything in my life is , “Just for today”. It was the only way I can survive.

We had continued to fight over Melanie daily and somehow it was always my issue, my problem. Enough.

This cold, brisk morning, the motor has died in my car, the pipes are frozen, the mice were settling in for the winter. With all of this there is still calmness between Amanda and I. We are free from the chaos for a while.

There is however one thought that keeps going through my mind over and over. Finances and her university. Amanda is going to be starting University soon. She is currently attending a French school,not emersion but Ecole St Ann.   One of her parents has to be French to attend but she is very fluent in French so they enroll her. Our daughter has a brilliant mind. University is 2 yrs away and I do not know how we are going to pay for it. A crazy thought goes through my head. By the grace of God, it did not enter my heart and I did not act upon it. Charka bypass I call it.

I have an insurance policy of 150,000.00,which I took out on myself some years ago. I wonder if something happed to me would that be enough to pay for her university.

She leaves for school and as I sit at that kitchen next to the door listening to the howl of the wind on this cold day I realize I can help her. I begin to feel depressed at the thought of leaving her and everyone but life has been such a struggle. Who would miss me anyway? Amanda? She is young and she’ll survive. She will still have John and Melanie. As I sit in my head, the phone rings. It is my sponsor wanting to know if I would like to go for a coffee and shopping. She has a few items to pick up . I think it would be a good day to say my good byes so I agree and tell her I will be ready in an hour.

The day turns into a day of laughter and joy. When Linda drops me off at the trailer I am in a better state of mind and not so heavy. I think to myself , “I will deal with Amanda’s university another day”.

A few months later John arrives on my doorstep saying, “We have a problem with Melanie”.

“No kidding “,I rely. He asks me to return home but I will not until he agrees we go into counseling. He does. Amanda and I move back home in January.

Amanda ends up receiving scholarships for both her MA and her PHD. Can you imagine if Linda had not called that day? My martyr, thinking I was helping her would have been for not. My life would have been for not. My death would have been for not.  Daily there is grace surrounding us. We are not aware of it at the time. Angels are everywhere in the form of people, places and things. We have to awaken to them.

It was from this experience that I finally surrendered, the beginning of “Let spirit have me”